I once wore a Che Guevara T-shirt to a lecture. The lecturer wasn’t pleased at all, she commented slightly on the appearance. Never directly. Dumb as I was, I still managed to understand that the T-shirt was disturbing, so I wore a peaceful neutral one for the next lecture. The lecturer was much higher mentally and could sense beyond my hard and dumb personality.

They call it empathy, culture, peer pressure, whatever… A struggle with own ego a.k.a. known as “path to enlightenment” makes people sensitive. They eat, walk, talk, buy, sell, sleep in a more sensitive way. Unfortunately there’s almost no way for “finer” people to stay around normal people for a long time. Too rude, too open, too fast, too egoistic… Although, of course it’s just normal behaviour.

Thousands angles to one question; why are we here?

With no one stressing me, I’m at work 10 hours per day, against 8 required. I worked hard, done something and feel excellent. I’m cursed with pride and freedom, I’ll never become a human.

Therefore, you readers can totally believe me when I blog about all this crazy stuff. I crazily believe in all this for real (it turns out).

Jai Hind!

Been there, seen that. Totally capable of cooking up a lie, just to keep themselves in power. Anwar Ibrahim is an agent of change, and elite won’t let him change anything. ‘Coz they keep getting richer now.

Probably he should have shown real skin only after coming to power. Alas, he was too honest too early. And no good deed goes unpunished.

1. Unless you push for 100% percent clean energy, you will never even get 30%
2. Everyone is interested in renewable energy and everyone is tired of half-steps
3. If there’s a plan it should be global, we’ve seen zillion of small successful projects, and yes, they’re too small to stop pollution
4. A reason needs a dedicated leader to constantly motivate everyone else
5. Now is the best time, because we are all concerned about environment

What I’ve learned is - I can’t accept favors. I can’t work for companies where management style is dictatorship. I can do tons of work when I’m just given a task and left alone. If someone is watching over my shoulder, my first instict is to kick the guy with ten different moves I learned in self-defense classes, spit him in the face, grab him and ask loudly “What’s your problem?”.

Pride is a sin, when it’s against the Creator. So, for years I’ve trained myself to feel nothing, to be nothing and to fight my ego. But as soon as I feel an employer is trying to make a crack in my faith, I have no choice but to leave. Here are my reasons;

• First, The Creator gives us means for living, employer is only some good guy who passes on His money (everything is His). Thanks to the employer (really), but come on, don’t play god please.
• Second, what’s with the “I bought notebooks, USB drives and aircons for you”. Should I feel obliged because I use your tools to do your job? Pathetic…
• Third, don’t hire a man if you can’t manage one. Hire cowards, who are afraid of losing your job. Cause you know, with a small belief in His blessings, a normal person won’t risk his faith against a few USD.

The battle is over, I’m not flexible. My father has one more son whom he can try and make a normal guy. Not me, I’m made of stupidity, lazyness and wood. Money means nothing to me. I can’t bend, that’s my problem. I wanted to go abroad and check if it’s the same everywhere, but to decided to stay some more.

Today, the good people who always paid me good money decided to forgive me and take back to their company. I’ve betrayed them and left to work in the Firm (where I survived only ten days), then joined another foreign, which turned ugly too. But my company, yes, My Company, wants nothing but work from me. There’s no need to lie, to pretend or to feel obliged. Just work in a company of good men, for a good cause. I was stupid to leave my company in the first place.

With fall of USD from 20 to 14 thousand manats, the natural reaction of Yimpash was to cut prices. The natural reaction of less responsive sellers was to keep old prices…

Yimpash was quite popular even before the promotion. Now it’s just crowded I’m sure the management keeps wondering when someone will realize that one big supermarket is just not enough for Ashgabat. The demand is too high. Yimpash is coping well, but we all know it will get lazy and lose the edge if there’s no competition.

I’ve seen many opportunities to enter a market, but this is a golden one. You can thank me later, just start construction now!

I watch this May morning in Ashgabat, with all the roses, spruces, poplars, people hurrying to work, kids going to school, laundry fighting with the wind, traffic of Japanese and German cars, while I seat in the back of a car parked by the road. I’m waiting for other engineers to join me for today’s task. I wonder why these people are hurrying to work. My career newsletter says that people are primarily motivated by money. But then most of us earn so little and afraid of life, many of us fail to cope and become alcohol or drug addicts.

One of engineers I know lives just two days per month; Salary Day and Advance Pay Day. Those two days he drinks good beer and goes to see a “girl”. He’s a married and is a respectable guy too. “Some dance to remember, some dance to forget”? If we assume he was somewhat happy until he turned 20 and he will live till 60, then he has about 40 adult years. Two happy days per month equals to 24 happy days per year. If cheating on your wife and drinking till you forget about her can be called a happy day…

Since I hate Soviet Union and atheism so much, materialistic motivation didn’t work for me. “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica is not just another nice song for me, so I couldn’t care less about social status either. You see I have a problem here; I earn enough and don’t care much about public opinion. This drag is going on for years and I need some truths to keep me floating. Otherwise I could drown, just like that poor bloke who drowned himself in my university.

Mevlana Jelaladdin Rumi in his much cherished and famous book - Mesnevi suggests that our needs are endless;
“Birisinin eşeği varmış, fakat palanı yokmuş. Palanı ele geçirmiş, bu sefer eşeği kurt kapmış. Birisinin ibriği varmış, fakat suyu elde edememiş. Suyu bulunca da ibrik kırılmış!”

There’s always a better car or a cooler iPhone that we need to get. Modern economic theory (by some Smith, if I’m not mistaken) has cleverly detected that resources are limited and there’s an economic pie that we eat together. Some greedy guy like me gets to eat Ulker cookies and drink Coca-Cola Light while typing a blog post on his PC, while poorer people are struggling to survive because of global food crisis in some countries. Am I worthy enough? Maybe that poor guy in Africa is smarter and better than me. Work doesn’t justify my existence, after two years of engineering all I can see is a meaningless mess of money, sex and low-level fights. No one here cares about beauty of Zen style coding.

If my needs will never be fully satisfied, if I will spend whole life chasing ideas and products, I might just as well cease to exist. My favorite actor Heath Ledger committed suicide at the top of his career, because his girlfriend left him (or so they say). So, money alone can’t do the trick? What in this universe can satisfy you, O ye person reading this post on Nahili.com?

The Theory of Grand Old Asian Motivation is nothing but expressing old truths in a modern language to a modern person. I’m not a genius, so it’s difficult for me to struggle with all the philosophy and conflicting ideas. There are many logical sequences and enough evidence for my average mind to accept the existence of a Creator. I won’t go into details here, because I’m not knowledgeable enough. But the core of old motivation is faith. This Motivation could keep people happy without drinking too much beer and seeing a “girl” in the past, I’m absolutely sure it can help me in the modern world too.

If there’s some worth in me, then it’s right here on this blog. This is the thing I don’t do for money or a social status. This is the thing I will be able to show Magtymguly, Yunus Emre and Gonubek when I die, in case I’m allowed to see them. Old Asian motivation: is something you do for the Afterlife. Having only a lousy blog to show in the afterlife is pretty weak huh? I agree, but I’m an average person with all the average problems of a modern life.

Asian motivation has a distinct pattern. A person who embraces faith starts learning truths, and truths consequently change her behavior. For example you learn that your piece of economic pie is given to you by the Creator, and not by other people, the truth slowly settles down, you see its manifestation in the real life. From my recent experiences; when my employer said he was feeding me etc. etc. he was wrong. He was only the middle-man, so I told him I will easily find another job, which I easily did. Who gave me this brain and all the chances for education? Who was feeding me all these years before I met your sorry company? It was nothing extraordinary or brave, losing a job is better than losing motivation and killing yourself. Eventually I will earn more if I don’t die, right?

Back to the pattern; this type of motivation is like renewable energy, there’s absolutely no way to achieve or get something final, like a million bucks or a flat on Manhattan. There’s no answer where you will eventually go; to Heaven or to Hell. And at the same time The Creator is the ultimate point for satisfaction of all our endless needs and wishes. What wouldn’t one do for eternal happiness?

From Anti-Scatterbrain point of view, Asian motivation provides very strong incentives for focus and concentration. Your time won’t be wasted on thousands of little “masters”, made-up problems and useless temporary goals. There will be one grand goal to bind everything into one beautiful and clear system. God forbid but nothing to stop you; illness, poverty, stress, anger, melancholy… Temporary slips, but never an addiction or a suicide, only a grand march towards awaiting Gara Batyr, Berdimyrat han, Alparslan and other heroes. Always light, never darkness.

As we entered the village I heard the call. There was no choice, we would stay on the road for hours, and I would miss it; so I told other engineers I had an acquaintance in this village and went to the place. I miss the call too frequently, I just couldn’t miss it this time again.

My T-shirt and jeans didn’t fit. People were either quite old or young boys, in modest clothes. Where are you? My hope, my brother, my future, my only light, my reason for existence, my motivation, my support… The grandson of Gonubek, I expected to see you here; it is the right place for you! Were you drinking, chasing girls, sleeping or earning money when they called you? For two centuries they have lured you out, only small kids and old men here. What have they given to you, which is sweeter than this call? They gave you despair, poverty, violence… Where are you? Come back! Come back for science, technology, motivation, humanity, salvation and bright future.

First, grab a passport and 82000 manats, then go to the nearest MTS sales office. It will take from 30 minutes to 1 hour for the procedure. From 8.00 to 22.00 the cost of 1MB is 58 US cents. From 22.00 to 8.00 it’s 29 US cents. That’s why I’m typing this at 00.30 at night. It’s cheaper.

Your phone must support GPRS (maybe even EDGE, which is faster 2 times). Then you should somehow get a driver, for your mobile phone to act as a modem. Since I have Motorola RAZR V3 (okay I changed with my wife, so she struggles with F3 right now), I happened to have just the right driver (usbser.sys) to connect the phone with the computer via a USB cable. You might choose to connect via bluetooth, so find the right driver (usually on the Web, and it must happen before you have this new connection working).

(just now found a complete guide in Russian at mts.tm)

So I connected my phone to computer via a standard mobile-to-PC USB cable. Windows XP detected the phone, asked for the driver. I showed XP where to find the driver. Eventually the computer agreed that it’s the right driver, so, we didn’t fight this time. Then you set up a new connection (Internet connection, manual, modem, choose your phone as the modem). Any username, no password, telephone number is *99#

I dunno, maybe it will work with any phone number, but *99# worked fine for me, and I’m not changing it. I got the tip from Internet,therefore I possess no technical knowledge why this particular number

Anyway, you have no luck. Since I have a live Web connection now, I will write all kinds of stupid posts once again. Beware and tremble in anticipation.

Jai Hind!

Dostoyevsky is a nationalist, therefore when Russians blew up the Gokdepe castle in 1881 he was quite happy, which he expressed in his diary. He was probably too much disappointed by the defeat of Russians in 1979 at the same Gokdepe castle. Anyway, after finding this point in his diary, I didn’t read Dostoyevsky for about 8 years.

However, now wiser and older I can see why Dostoyevsky was so nationalistic. He writes in “Demons” for example, that atheism and communism were spread within Russia by foreign nations in 19th century; ergo the hatred.

One character of “Demons” - Shigalev, prepares a model for future socialist Russia. One tenth of society governs everyone else. Hundreds of millions are to be turned into a herd of “strange animals”, who will totally give up their education, future and will, etc. etc. etc… A complete guide for totalitarian system of Soviet Union explained in “Demons” by Dostoyevsky.

Another character, Petr Stepanovich Verhovensky shows all personality traits of 1917 revolution leaders. Absolutely no morale, no rules and no god; worse than criminals. Dostoyevsky also correctly predicted the final destiny of communist ideas, he made an analogy of ideas with “Demons” in one part in Bible (Lucas, VIII, 32-36.), when Jesus (a.s.) exorts demons out of an obsessed man. Demons ask Jesus (a.s.) to let them possess a herd of swines, and when allowed they make the herd jump off the cliff, into the lake and sink. Which eventually happened in 1991.

White vs. black, belief vs. atheism, integrity vs. corruption, white knights vs. dark knights… Sometimes time and space continuum coincide and one can clearly see the line that separates one side from the opposite. I lived in Soviet Union as a kid, and I live in Turkmenistan now, atheism is not the lighter side. That demon can talk of rights, humanity, bright future; but all one gets is a downward stairway, leading to levels lower than animals, lower than plants, lower than rocks, lower than vacuum, lower than nothing…